Monday, 14 February 2011

Irons In The Fire

And I’d forgotten to mention the tampon - I never arm-flap lifts without one. Why? Because if I’m picked up by a pervert and he gets to thinking about trying something on, I’d pull the tampon out of the fire between my legs and ram it in the lighter socket on the dashboard (use a ‘Regular’ tampon, ‘Super’ don’t fit - I’ve tested it). When it starts smelling (of burning), I whip it out and flap my arms in front of the pervert (it's glowing red-hot, and he’s driving, remember), and scream: ‘I may look like I’m wearing eye-liner, and you might have picked me up because I was flapping my arms like a swan, but if you touch me I'll torch you, no, I’ll brand you with a tampon’.

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