Sunday, 2 May 2010

The Bra Outlived Two Dogs

The bra maid married the fireman and her bra outlived two dogs. But it doesn’t do to hang on to things. Towards the end I took to taking the bra out climbing - used it as a chalk-bag(s). But when the going got steep – and I started to breathe deep – I inhaled more chalk than I put on my fingers; coughed harder than I climbed.
Even though I was only climbing on small rocks (bouldering), when I was exhausted, when I lay on my back and looked at my chest, I had a view of the Alps. And when chalk spilled out of the cups – due to the coughing fits - I witnessed my own avalanche.
And then I read about two women being killed by a bra in Hyde Park. It was a balmy summer’s evening when a solicitor, walking though the park on her way home from work, happened to notice two women asleep - close together - under a tree. Next morning the said solicitor, taking the same route back to work, was surprised to see the women were still there, hadn’t moved an inch. She raised the alarm. Both women had been dead when the solicitor first set eyes on them the day before. The cause of death: electrocution. They’d been sheltering from a thunderstorm, under the tree, when lighting stuck. One of the women was wearing a wired-bra. The tree took a strike; the bra acted as a lightening conductor and the shock was directly transferred from one woman to the other, instantly killing both. It doesn’t do to cling on to people through their bras: I’ve never worn a bra since. 

Wedding car - bra photographs, Professor Paul Hill MBE. 

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