Saturday, 4 December 2010


I started early: when I was younger, I holed my little brother (that’s me behind him - heartless - about to club him with a stone). Then I holed a ship, the QE2.
Private targets: Take a shower wearing nothing except two monocles: Rich Tea biscuits, one in each eye. But they must be McVitie’s Rich Tea, one of the only biscuits through which you can see: try it – they are perforated like a showerhead. Blinkered by biscuits, look into the eye of the shower - let the jets of water dissolve the Rich Teas before your eyes; like Saul on the road to Damascus. A Rich Tea Epiphany: don’t dunk them in tea - wear biscuits in the shower.

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