Tuesday, 10 May 2011

Interview With A Dog-Water Reporter (part three)

Q. “Have you any new ‘dog projects’ in the pipeline?”
A. “I’ve recently been advertising for Spots – lots of dogs, all named Spot.”
Q. “Why? What do you intend to do with all these Spots?”
A. “Drive each Spot to a different dogging-spot.”
Q. “And then…?”
A. “Photograph Spot the dog, in the dogging spot, of course.”
Q. “Dogscape? Or portrait?”
A. “None of those. Spot will be very small in the frame, heavily camouflaged -under a bush or beneath a car for example - requiring the viewer/voyeur to spot the dog. I hope to catch ‘doggers in action’, as well.
Q. “What, in the same picture as Spot the dog?”
A. “Yes, that’s the thing, all these dogging spots, they are often cited in woodland carparks so, not only will you not be able to see the trees for wood, you’ll really struggle to spot Spot the dog for doggers.”  
Q. “Like those ‘spot the ball’ competition photographs you used to see in the newspapers?”
A. “No, like this ‘spot the ball’ photograph.”
Q. “I didn’t know you played golf. Is it a self-portrait?”
A. “Spot the ball”
Q. “I find golf-porn very awwwousing... I can’t see my knees for wood. Could I have a sip of water?”
A. “It’s only a picture of some rocks, on a golf course”.
Q. “Oh yes a golf course… of course, I can see the limp flag - a mere white speck poking out of the bracken - in the background. Have you ever by any chance drank from a golf hole?”
No answer to that.

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